I was an invitee
at a wedding where the bride and groom were both highly qualified
Indian-Americans. A group of Americans who had flown in from Boston for their
friend’s big day were seated next to me, looking resplendent in ethnic Indian
couture, keenly observing and soaking in the rituals. One young man from the
group asked me which part of the tradition was most sacred and I explained to
them that the tying of the mangalsutra around the bride’s neck by the groom,
when the drums would beat louder, was the auspicious moment when they would be
officially declared man and wife. Another young lady from the same group asked
me about the significance and I said that the tying of the three knots of the
sacred mangalsutra or the auspicious thread was symbolic of the marital bond
for life. I also told her the three knots signified obedience to her husband,
his parents and to God. She pondered for a moment and asked me,” Well, why
doesn’t the bride tie the same for the groom? He also needs to obey her, her
parents and God, doesn’t he? We exchange rings, you know”! I was struck by the
simplicity, logic and relevance of the question. I explained to her that Indian
society was patriarchal and that the man was the Lord and master in the relationship,
besides being the bread winner.
I am no feminist
in the classical mould, yet the question rankled. Gender equality is a distant
dream in our misogynistic and feudalistic society where female foeticide is
rampant, and abysmal sex ratios are becoming more of a rule than an exception
in most states.
It was a proud
moment for India when woman power was on full display at our recently concluded
Republic-day parade, yet, can we call ourselves a civilized society till we are
free from rapes, molestation, stalking, acid-throwing, dowry killing, female
infanticide, eve - teasing and gender inequality ? Can we rid our nation of males
who consider themselves the superior sex and for whom rape is a minor
misdemeanour that “cannot be punished by hanging because boys will be boys “?
Tough laws, symbolism
and platitudes do not empower women. Education has to begin at home where
parents teach their sons to treat the female gender with dignity and,
daughters, to respect themselves.